A very little known fact outside of my immediate family but I actually have 5 kids. My 3rd son is rather standoffish and rarely participates in group activities. Gordon is the black sheep of the family as it were. When someone forgets to start the dishwasher, close a door or pickup toys it's almost always Gordon. He has been known to start arguments and cause a lot of the main issues in our house. He is gone for long stretches of time and then will show suddenly to cause strife and then be gone again in the blink of an eye.
Gordon joined the family more than a decade ago out of the blue. I told the kids about him one evening, they were both baffled and skeptical but I thought it was hilarious. You see I watched an episode of Family Guy where Peter was asked by his wife if he knew which kid they were talking about and he responded, "Gordon?" As none of their kids had a name even remotely close to this and I thought the deliver was hilarious. I was inspired to joke we had a (then) 4th kid. As I was the only one in on the joke at the time it was more of a mystery for them that I kept perpetuating... for years... and years. In fact the writing of this blog is the first time in the more than 12 years since I first mentioned him that I've actually acknowledged he's a fictional "family" member.
Somewhere along the way after the kids had failed to complete a required task out of frustration it was joked that "Gordon probably messed it up". From there he was the easy scapegoat. His name is often mentioned in vain or as a joke when we are counting the number of people. If we need an extra for a game or to fill a seat someone will pipe up and mention "Gordon can use that one".
At one point I had arranged for a co-workers son to show up at our door out of the blue. I would answer the door and loudly exclaim, "Gordon! It's been far too long!" He was schooled on Gordon lore and was ready to act the role. Sadly something came up and he wasn't able to do it. I would love to have seen their faces. Still, I'd like to think Gordon is out there somewhere causing mischief and he'll be home any day.
4/3/2021